SASQUATCH!

The other day while hiking in the woods about a mile from our house I caught a glimpse of something, the immediate area was thickly wooded. What is that, I thought? A creature walking erect like a human but with a loping kind of gate. It was covered in long straggly dark brown hair about seven feet tall, it was (seemingly) unaware of my presence. What ever it was appeared not to be foraging more like intent on going somewhere. I am not sure why I decided what I decided but I set out to follow it, and besides I had my side arm, incase I was discovered and attacked. Admittedly though I had a tinge of fear. 

The last fifteen years of my life have seen quite a bit of hiking in ruff terrain and I have acquired a bit of stealthiness. Also this day had not yet seen my shower, so I was fairly unscented. I let the the creature have about a thirty foot lead, I had to be careful I did not want to lose the trail. The trees and undergrowth where pretty thick, it had rained recently and that helped with remaining quiet. Before long though I started  feeling a bit uneasy because I thought that I’d lost the trail, then suddenly I became aware of a foul, a very foul stench. Until then it never even occurred to me that I’d come across Bigfoot, as in Sasquatch. I felt a wave of disappointment for now I was even more disheartened, that I would not get to snap the first really clear picture of the beast with my camera equipped cell phone. I stood frozen not making a sound trying to detect its presence. What seemed liked a long time yet only a passing minute brought the sound of a snapping branch and what I knew to be the sound of someone running,”its getting away I thought” Then I realized the sound was getting louder, it was running toward me but it was so thick I couldn’t tell from which direction. You guessed it, I didn’t know which way to run. I drew my firearm, I had three clips “(magazines) totaling fifty-one rounds, yet I was still shit scared. Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of it closing in on me, now I could run and run I did. I had no desire to shoot it. I ran faster than I thought I could with my heart pounding. Before long I reached a small clearing and I stood still, listening for its approach. A silent stillness hung  over the woodland, nothing was moving not the slightest breeze or sound of a bird chirping. I stood in the eerie silence I could feel my heart beating. Suddenly I heard it, a deep bellowing laugh the likes  of which I have never heard before. The laughing got louder and then the pitch changed, slowly fading away. I knew it was gone. I was disappointed that I did not get a picture, yet something happened, realizing that I had come into contact with a mystery, something that until now was folklore. I wondered if I should even tell anyone about what happened, people will say I am crazy or just looking for attention. Who wants to appear crazy? With that in mind and for the sake of complete  honesty,I must make the reader away of a few other facts. 

I am receiving treatment for a chronic pain condition at a local clinic. In an effort to combat the ever increasing pain I take an opiate pain blocker. Just recently I started taking along with the opiate a drug used to combat depression it also seems to provide pain relief in some patients by blocking certain neural pathways. These drugs produce a wide range of side effects in patients and my partner Maria has informed me, that I can get pretty weird from the latter types of medication. There’s more, four days ago I watched a short film about Sasquatch sightings. (Please stay with me) I know how this sounds. I was not hallucinating. I firmly believe that what I saw that day was Bigfoot. I am not one of those people that are obsessed with unexplained mysteries or the occult. I know what I saw. If only I’d gotten that picture. I even went back to the area looking for some sprigs of hair on a branch so I could get a DNA test. Nothing. It had rained again so there were no tracks to photograph.

I decided to write it down hoping that would trigger something that I had forgotten. I have been thinking that I should put up a trail cam and I intend too, along with more hikes in the area of interest. I keep thinking that it has to live somewhere, yet it certainly doesn’t want to be found. The Bigfoot’s have avoided humans for their entire history. I can’t say  that I blame them. We would probably hunt them or put them on display in Zoos. Worse we would probably go as far as using them for drug testing or strap them into automobiles in place of crash test dummies. As these thoughts formed and became embedded in my consciousness, it suddenly occurred to me what I must do. I would draw up plans to initiate a species protection plan under the auspices of the “endangered species act. Here is the real kicker, I knew I couldn’t fail. Why you ask? It is very simple I will inform the State government that I believe that I saw Mr. Sasquatch while hiking in the woods. There it is, a slam dunk. 

Off to the State offices where I met with a high ranking official and proceeded to make my demands. I reiterated the beginning of the story you are reading and relayed my plan for protection of Bigfoot under the Endangered Species Act. When finished I asked “when the law would take effect”? The look that came over the face of this official was very hard for me to read, and I pride myself on knowing the species. It was no doubt a combination of emotions, the strongest being (just a guess) incredulity. Then maybe “get out of my sight” followed up by “you F*#king lunatic”. He had not yet herd my trump card. I cleared  my throat then initiated my explanation as to why this would become state law and quick. 

As I began he rudely interrupted me and said “ do you honestly think that we are going to enact a law to protect something that no one has seen except you? Our state does not base law on the premise that someone believes they saw something or feels something exist. I produced the smuggest look that an Oscar winning actor would envy when I let loose with the most profound statement ever uttered in these hallowed halls. Well, sir I stand firm, his eyes and a hand gesture entreated my response. “Do you believe in god”? I asked. He said “of course, why? Well I said “have you ever seen him”? Eyes bulging he called security and they escorted me from the building. Tonight when you go to bed, don’t forget to say a little prayer for Bigfoot. “Little, Big” tell me that’s not a sign. I will take this to the Supreme Court and if that doesn’t work, I’ll go to the Hague! 

DT AKA Bill Rogan

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